Ditching Distractions: How Winning Women Stay Focused on What Matters

Jennifer Parr (: 00:00

Hey friend, welcome back. I'm so glad that you tuned into this conversation because to some extent, no matter how productive we can be, or no matter how we think we are amazing multitaskers, I think we all get a little distracted. Part of it is not your fault because the world is noisy. The world is a nonstop barrage of

notifications, to-do lists, we've got group chats. You should see my group chats, my WhatsApp chats, grocery runs, social feed. And while all those things contribute to us staying distracted, I wholeheartedly believe that distraction is still one of the enemy's oldest but most effective strategies. It's to the point where he doesn't even have to destroy you. All he has to do is distract you. And that will delay you. That could end up detouring you.

Matter of fact, recording this episode, I have been so distracted that I have been putting it off and putting it off. And finally, when I sat down to record it the first time, I forgot to hit the record button. Like that's how distracted I was. So today, friends, today we're going to be talking about how to ditch distractions and how to win God's way with a focused heart. Focus is the key. I'll unpack the dangers, like the real dangers of being distracted, especially as women.

I'll also share five practical ways that you can reclaim your focus. You can get your focus back and your presence back. And as always, because I love equipping women spiritually, I've got a few prayers that you can just whisper in real time, whisper when you get a moment or just whisper when your mind starts drifting to refocus you back. Maybe you're listening to this and you feel like you've been struggling for a while and you feel like I do have a tendency to get distracted, but there's no harm in that. Well, here are a few dangers of being distracted. And as I list these just

Think about your life. Think of the season that you're in. I think one of the ways that you can be distracted but not realize it is by busyness. Busyness is the new badge of honor. It's easy to get addicted to doing something. It's easy to get addicted to striving. It's easy to get addicted to performance. It's just idolizing productivity over being present. And the reason why busyness is a distraction is because busyness does not equal productivity.

Jennifer Parr (: 02:17

I remember seasons where I was extremely busy, especially when our kids were young. And this season was when I was working in corporate America outside of the home. Many of you may know my story, but before I chose to walk away from corporate America, I feel like God had been trying to get my attention. God had been nudging me just to reconsider my capacity in this season. I don't even know if I needed God to remind me of that. Just having two kids under the age of two will humble you and remind you that your capacity is very limited.

But I was working about 40 to 50, sometimes even 60 hours outside of the home. We had a one-year-old and we had a two-year-old. And while I loved my career, it wasn't until during the pandemic when I got extremely sick and I was in a room in our home, I remember waking up in the middle of the night, I was sweating, I had the chills, and I couldn't sleep. I just remember feeling like, okay, God, you have my attention now.

Like, I felt like God was probably like, wow, this is what it took. This is what it took for me to get your attention. See, I stayed so busy with work. It was easy for me to just focus on productivity over being present and not being present. You can miss the signs. You can miss the nudges. You can miss those moments that God could be trying to get your attention. He could be trying to get your attention about your job and your capacity in this season. He could be trying to get your attention to focus more on your marriage.

He could be trying to get your attention to focus more on your kids. He could be trying to get your attention sis to focus on your health, your mental health. So are you too busy? And are you missing those gentle nudges from the Lord? Which leads me to another reason why staying distracted is not healthy. And that is just emotional and mental exhaustion. We juggle so many tasks as women and that can often lead to burnout or just carrying that emotional mental exhaustion is a load that

is often invisible. I call it the invisible load. I actually did a whole episode on that. check the show notes and I'll link that episode and I'll also link a resource that helps you just identify your invisible load, that weight that you're carrying that no one sees and how to unpack it. But see this emotional and mental exhaustion, this invisible load that we carry, it almost makes us feel like we have to hold it all together.

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And that pressure alone can keep us in such a distracted state because we're not focusing on the right things. We're focusing on portraying that we have it all together. also hate how being distracted can breed comparison and insecurity in women. Sometimes I'll go online to find something and it doesn't take me long until I find myself scrolling. And next thing you know, I'm comparing and now I'm just been distracted, but it's a distraction where I no longer feel good about myself. I don't want to feel good about my voice. I don't want to feel good about.

things that I have because now I'm comparing myself to what I see online. It's easy to feel like you're on track and all of a sudden comparison and feeling insecure enters the picture. And now you're just distracted from what you were called to do, from what you had in mind, from the business that you were going to start, from that idea that God had given you. Whatever it is, we start to look at others run their race. And now the scrolling, the watching, the over consuming just gives a distorted view of success.

and can make you question what God has for you. I don't know about you, but when I'm in a distracted state of mind, I also realize that I neglect the relationships that truly matter. Being distracted is a barrier to connection. It can cause you to be physically present somewhere, but like you're emotionally somewhere else. Many of you know that my husband, Alan, has a YouTube channel, but a lot of people don't know that Alan also really loves chess. Like in my mind, he's a grandmaster. I think that's like a really

highly skilled chess player, but he used to play in person and then he discovered how to play online. Y'all, when he discovered how to play online, that means that you can literally play chess at any time of the day because you're playing against people around the world. And so it's easy for him to start a chess match and the next thing you know, he's playing two hours have gone by, three hours have gone by. I mean, I'm not over exaggerating here. And while chess is something that he does to unwind after a busy day,

It can easily, easily turn into a hobby that the relationships that matter are being neglected. And this is something that we've talked about. He's set some healthy boundaries so that he doesn't remain distracted. But that's just another example of how being distracted just can naturally neglect the relationships that matter the most. I want to quickly share something that I observed from one of my friends that when we went out to dinner, I noticed that she didn't have her phone. So whenever we would ask a question like, can you show me this picture or show us what you're talking about? She was like, no, my phone's in the car.

Jennifer Parr (: 07:02

And at first, I thought that was kind of strange because I'm thinking, well, what if somebody breaks into your car and steals it? But clearly I was worried about the wrong thing because I'm worried about her phone, but she's worried about being present. And for her, that's a boundary that she has set up because she's been able to see how the phone can be a barrier to authentic connection, especially when you're out at dinner, especially when you're out with girlfriends or your family. We miss the moments that build connection. We miss moments that build intimacy and

rust all because something else has our attention. And I'll just go on to say that what has our attention that's in our phones sometimes is also unhealthy coping. You're numbing the pain. You're numbing it with Netflix. You're numbing it with online shopping, good retail therapy. You're numbing it with social media. You're just numbing it instead of actually dealing with it. Sometimes we're not really distracted, but we're just avoiding. We're coping. And finally, I think this is obvious, but I have to say that

Being distracted, it limits your spiritual growth. It's almost like your discernment is diminished. And when you're distracted, naturally, it's just going to dull your sensitivity to God's prompting. It's going to dull your sensitivity to maybe where He's leading you and making it just a little bit harder to react in wisdom and can lead us to react instead of responding or pausing or waiting with wisdom. so,

So you can see, distraction is the enemy's oldest and I do believe it is his most effective strategies for women. let's walk through just a few biblical examples where I've seen distraction used as a strategy from the enemy. And here are a few things that we can learn from it. So going back to the beginning, our girl Eve, she was distracted by the truth. Her story is in Genesis 3, 1 through 6, and we see how Satan didn't come to her in an obvious way with a sword and just

blaring loud words. He came with a question. He simply distracted Eve from what God said and he focused her attention on what she might be missing. Also, remember Jesus being in the wilderness? I believe that's in Matthew 4, maybe verse 1 through 11. Satan tempted Jesus. He tempted him with food. He tempted him with fame. He tempted him with power. I mean, if you have no water, any form of water, any form of food is going to quench your thirst.

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And see, the enemy didn't tempt him to abandon his mission just quit. No, that wouldn't have worked for Jesus. He tried to distract Jesus by taking a shortcut around his suffering. Like, you don't have to go through this. Here, here's some food, here's some water. And the result? Well, Jesus stayed focused on God's word. But that example just shows how distraction can often appear as something good or something well deserved. Like if you've been on a diet and you've been doing so good for a week or two weeks.

And then your birthday comes up or a celebration comes up and I feel like it's so easy to be distracted by, I just deserve one slice of cake or it won't hurt me if I just eat a couple fries. See, that's how the enemy can use something good or something that he can convince you that you deserve. And that becomes a distraction. All right. So remember Judas? Judas was distracted by greed and delusionment. Judas walked with Jesus. He heard his teaching. He saw the miracles.

Yet his heart grew distracted by money and unmet expectations. And the result was that he betrayed the Savior for 30 pieces of silver. Once again, the enemy didn't have to destroy Judas with violence or fighting. He just destroyed him with pride, with bitterness and greed. And this last example is one of my favorites because it's actually a positive example. You all know the story of Nehemiah. If not, it is in the book of Nehemiah in the Bible.

Chapter six, believe, verse one through four. we see here that repeatedly people try to pull Nehemiah away from rebuilding the wall. Now, Nehemiah was on a divine assignment to build this wall. Like he was focused, y'all. God had given him a burden to rebuild the broken walls of Jerusalem because not only was it for protection, but it was also for restoration of identity, dignity, and the purpose of God's people. And so this wasn't just about building like a brick and mortar.

But it was spiritual and he was on divine assignment. Lord behold, here comes the enemy. But the distraction came from the enemies of the Jews who tried to interrupt the work. They didn't just show up with weapons, but they showed up with invitations. They said things like, Nehemiah, come down and meet with us. Or Nehemiah, let's talk this out. Or hey, Nehemiah, come on, we just want a conversation. They tried four times over and over again to distract him. See?

Jennifer Parr (: 11:42

They knew that they couldn't stop the wall directly, so they tried to pull Nehemiah away from his post. Why? Because the moment that he would step away from building that wall, the work would slow down, the people would lose courage, and the vision would stall completely. I mean, the goal wasn't always destruction. It was distraction. Are you seeing a common theme here? Just how the enemy uses distraction. He's so sneaky with it. He did it in the biblical days.

He's doing it in our lives. Women, winning women, it is time for this to stop. It is time for us to win our week, to win our day, to win this season of our life by ditching distractions. See, Nehemiah didn't defend himself. He didn't entertain the drama. He didn't get sucked into the people pleasing or the arguments or the distractions. His yes to that wall meant that he had to say no to anything that pulled him away.

So who's ready to learn how to ditch distractions? I mean, I couldn't get to this part of the episode fast enough because these aren't just tips, but they're reminders. They're anchors that help align our hearts and our minds when life gets noisy. So here are five practical reminders. Five ways that you can learn how to ditch distractions that pull you away from the wall that God assigned for you to build. The things that he's given you influence over. The people that he's given you influence over.

the spaces that he's given you influence over. The first one is a saying that I learned. think it's a saying that people in the South use, but it's a saying that says, where your feet are. Think about what you're doing right now as you're listening to this podcast. Where are your feet right now? And where your feet are is where you have the opportunity to be present. Now, you may be present listening to this podcast. Maybe you've silenced notifications and any distractions that you have, but in everyday life, where your feet are,

is where you have the opportunity to influence. It's actually going to be where your biggest influence is because it's where you are physically. At its core, I think this saying, be where your feet are, is just a reminder to be fully engaged in the moment. And this is a reminder that helps you be less distracted because the people right in front of you are the people that matter. That could be your spouse. That could be your kids. That could be your coworkers. That could be your friends.

Jennifer Parr (: 14:04

That could be the person that's sitting across the table from you when you're at dinner. Instead of being in your phone or thinking about what is in your phone, then be where your feet are. I started to use this reminder more when we travel. I think it's so easy that when we're out as a family to take pictures and share on social media so that we can keep everyone online engaged. But in doing so, the focus is other people, not where your feet are, not being present in the moment right there and then.

So now when we travel, I do what I call capture and keep. I capture a whole bunch of photos and I keep them. And I share them at a time where I'm more available. So if you see me sharing photos online, most of the time, I hate to say this, but most of the time, that event, that post happened days ago, sometimes weeks ago, sometimes months ago. But this is a shift that I have made to help me be more present and less distracted by capturing photos.

keeping them and sharing them later so that I can be where my feet are in that moment and that is present with my family and present wherever I am. And so think about your life. Is there someone in your life who needs more of your undivided attention? When I think of be where my feet are, a lot of times it's in front of my kids. I'm there with them, but I'm in my phone. I'm scrolling. I'm thinking about plans for the day. I'm thinking about the next thing that we have on our to-do list. And recently my son,

brought this to my attention and he simply just said, mommy, can you put your phone down? That was my wake up call. It's so easy to be in the room with them and just be consumed. And so I have a reminder on my phone that just pops up randomly and it says, be where your feet are. And it just helps me live well because remember you can't live well if you're always elsewhere mentally. All right. So this leads me to my next point. And another way to ditch distractions is to limit digital noise. Did you know?

that in the United States alone, total screen time averages about seven hours per day. Seven hours. Now, globally, that number is increasingly lower. I think globally, people spend on average three hours a day on their smartphones. And so, one, that tells you a lot about consumption in the Western world, but have you realized how consumed we really are with those devices that are in our hands? I recently checked my screen time, and y'all...

Jennifer Parr (: 16:28

It was six hours. It was six hours. mean, that is so embarrassing to say. And I'm not talking about six hours a week, six hours a day. That was my average. That is so embarrassing, but it's also convicting. And so what I've had to do is just to set healthy boundaries. I've set screen time on my phone where my phone will literally go dark after a certain time or after I've spent a certain amount of hours on an app so that I can't access it. Whenever it's time to wind down at night, my phone goes into sleep mode.

Did you know you can also set sleep mode on social media? So after a certain time, you won't get any notifications specifically from social media. Earlier, I shared how my husband loves to play chess online. He's had to set limits on how many hours he plays chess. And after he reaches a certain amount of hours, the chess app reminds him like, okay, this is it for the day. So those are just a few examples that we have had to do to limit the digital noise that we are consuming every day. I mean,

We are content creators and even being in this space, we've had to set some very hard boundaries to limit our consumption. And then another thing I've done just to limit digital noise is I've unfollowed a lot of accounts that stir up envy. Maybe they serve anxiety or comparison and they just distract me. And I now try it. I don't always get it right because I'll follow people in the next, you know, I'm like, okay, I have to unfollow this person. But I now try to follow voices that point me back to the truth.

and point me to alignment and I still have to maintain how much I consume so I don't get distracted, but at least it's not taking me down this rabbit hole of just over consumption. those are just some healthy boundaries that can help you limit your digital screen time. And I would encourage you to ask yourself, what could you experience if you redirected just one hour, just one hour of your digital screen time to something else or just one hour of your digital screen time to

your kids. Now, that first hour can feel like, I don't know what to do. And that's because perhaps our brains just have to be retrained to not be in our phones. But what could one hour do to your day? How could one hour just be redirected to something else, something else other than screen time, and see how that adds value to your life and most importantly, keeps you focused on what is important.

Jennifer Parr (: 18:54

Now, another way that you can ditch distractions, and this is gonna be for those who are just naturally distracted, which is me. I mean, I would say that I have self-diagnosed myself with ADD. I know that I can get a professional test. I know that there are real diagnoses out there, and those are real issues that people have to deal with. But ever since I was little, I have just naturally been distracted. And so this method is one that has helped me a lot.

It's helped me focus just a little bit better. And that is called the Pomodoro Method. Have you heard of the Pomodoro Method? I think of the biblical principle that comes from Ephesians 5. I think it's verse 15 or 16 where it just talks about using your time well. We're all given only 24 hours a day. My mom used to say that all the time. Jennifer, everyone gets the same 24 hours a day. Yours isn't any different. But it's just how you use that time.

And when I really started to struggle where I would see a lot more people get a lot more things done than I would get done with those same 24 hours, I had to try a different approach. And so the Pomodoro method simply breaks down your work into focused intervals. The keyword is focused. And the way it works is 25 minutes of focus, and then that's followed by five minute break. So let's say you have something to do, like I needed to record this podcast or I needed to write the podcast.

You may have a project that you're working on. You may have just something that you need to knock out and get done. And that one thing is going to take a lot of time. Now, the problem is we don't always have all the time in the world to focus on that one thing for hours, hours, especially if you're a mama. And it's just easy to get distracted. So the Pomodoro method is simple. It's five simple steps. You choose one task, one task. Let's say I'm going to write a podcast episode.

That is a task is to focus on writing the podcast episode. Choose one task and then you set a timer for 25 minutes. You work with zero distractions. And so I would turn my phone on, do not disturb. And I would just work for 25 minutes straight on writing my podcast. Then when the timer goes off, you take a five minute break and then you repeat this cycle. And what this does is that it allows you to accomplish something, but doing it in short focus sprints. This has really helped my naturally distracted mind.

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because it creates structure for focus. It's not just me saying, OK, I'm going to sit down for five hours and write, or sit down for four hours and do laundry, or sit down for three hours and read. It helps provide structure to focus time. Over time, this method just trains your brain to be able to do deep work because it strengthens your focus muscle and it reduces the mental fatigue that comes from constant task switching, just going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on tasks.

So try it, choose a task, set a timer for 25 minutes, work on that task with zero distractions. And when the timer goes off, take a break, take a five minute break and then repeat and keep doing it until that task is finished. So try it, whether it's this week or next week and reach out to me because I would love to know how that worked. You can look it up, it's called the Pomodoro method. All right, so moving on, another tool.

And really one of the most powerful ways to ditch distractions is through prayer. Now, prayer helps in so many ways because it interrupts the mental spiral. instead of letting your thoughts run wild, prayer anchors you. Like it re-centers your soul in the middle of the, what do I do now? What am I supposed to do? Prayer just reminds you of who you are and who God is. And it also invites God into the moment.

What I love about taking a moment to pray is that it makes space for the Holy Spirit to bring clarity, bring calmness, and sometimes even convict you. Here are a few prayers that I pray whenever I feel distracted. And these are short, breath-like prayers that can be whispered anytime, whether you're doing laundry, whether you're in the carpool line, before you're entering an email. These are prayers that have just helped me re-center.

One of them is just a quick prayer that's like, Lord, help me be fully here. I've had to say that sometimes when I'm with my kids, when I feel that it's easier to be distracted with something else online instead of being present in the moment. And it reminds me of Psalm 46, 10, where God says, just be still, be still and know that I am God. It's a simple prayer for presence. Another prayer is, God, quiet the noise in my mind so I can hear your voice.

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Y'all, a lot of times the loudest voice that consumes me is the voice that is in my head, is my own insecurities. It's voices of doubt. It's voices of, I'm not sure if I can do this. And when your brain is cluttered, whether it's with thoughts, whether it's with tasks or notifications or worry, just pausing to say, quiet the noise in my mind so I can hear your voice. It's a simple prayer that brings you back to being present. Another prayer I say sometimes is,

Lord, redirect my focus. Show me what matters right now. Sometimes I'm looking at a lot of things, but they all matter. But I want the Lord to guide me to what is most important. In a crowded room of people, sometimes my husband's attention is way more important than what others are doing, but I'm distracted by others. Another simple prayer to pray when you feel like you are getting distracted is, Jesus, I give you my attention again. All right, so.

Do you remember that joke? It's kind of a saying and it became a meme online where there's a woman, I think she's on Family Feud and she's competing on a game show. The host asks her a challenging question and she starts singing. She goes, Holy Spirit, activate. Holy Spirit, activate. Holy Spirit, activate. And at first when I heard that, was like, my gosh, that sounds a little cringe. But what she was doing in that moment is she was inviting the Holy Spirit into that challenge, into that space.

And so another simple prayer is just Holy Spirit, interrupt my hurry. I've had to use this prayer when I am racing down. I'm trying to be better and not being late, but sometimes I'm late and I have to just invite the Holy Spirit to interrupt my hurry because I'm so focused on where I have to be, where I have to be, hurrying get to the next place, hurrying to do the next thing. And so Holy Spirit, interrupt my hurry. Jesus, interrupt my hurry. And in those moments, I feel

convicted one for being in such a rush, but it just invites space for the Holy Spirit to come in and interrupt. And so those are just a few prayers, just a few prayers that you can pray in moments of distraction. And the final way to ditch distractions is to focus on one thing at a time. Now, I say this for last because it sounds so cliche, just focus on one thing at a time. But this point is for all my multitaskers out there.

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I used to pride myself on being able to do five things at once, but I've learned that multitasking may feel productive, but it actually reduces the quality of your work and drains your energy. So focusing on one thing at a time may sound simple, but in a culture obsessed with hustle and doing more and this badge of honor of I can do all these things, choosing to focus on one thing at a time is actually countercultural. It's biblical.

and it's an act of wisdom. It's also one of the most effective ways to fight distraction because it reduces feeling overwhelmed and you can live just a little bit more peaceful because you're focusing on one thing at a time. So I no longer say, I'm a multitasker because now I don't want that badge. I have not worn that badge of honor very well. And I now actually realize that focusing on one thing at a time is more biblical and it's acts of wisdom.

It's saying that this moment matters, whether it's an email, it's a conversation, it's preparing dinner. You're doing it unto the Lord. That comes from Colossians 3.23. You're not doing it for me and you're doing it unto the Lord. It's not about rushing, but it's about showing up and showing up with purpose. Focusing on just one thing at a time trains your heart to trust. You're inviting God to help you shift your focus, whether it's to Him or whether it's to what He's given you influence over.

You're not trying to even focus on it all. You're just focusing on one thing. I know that was a lot and we could go on. I feel like I have about three more things that could help you ditch distractions. So I'm sure I missed a few, but if there's any reminders, if there's any prayers that you use to help you stay more focused, to help you ditch distractions, I would love to hear about it. And if today's episode spoke to you, I'd love to hear what resonated most with you.

Maybe it's the Pomodoro method that you'd never heard of before, but now you're going to try. Or maybe it's just learning to quiet your mind and not be this multitasker that you thought you were, but focusing on just one thing at a time. Maybe it's reciting some of those prayers, those quick but powerful prayers that can reshift your focus and get you back on center. Whatever that is, I know God is gonna meet you right where you are because He knows your needs.

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And the enemy is not happy because he wants to keep you distracted. But we're not having that. As winning women, we are going to live with focused hearts, with focused minds, focused on our purpose, focused on winning the right way, God's way, not the world's way. And right now the world is really, really distracted. So let's pray. Father, thank you for being a steady, peaceful presence in a very, very noisy and distracted world.

We confess Lord that our attention is often divided and our hearts are hurried. Our minds are overwhelmed. You are not a rushed God. You are not a distracted God. And you are always near, near, near to us. So help us be where our feet are. Help us to show up fully for the moment and the people that you've placed in front of us. Help us to choose obedience over busyness and choose being present over performing.

And Lord, give us the grace to say no to what pulls us away from our purpose and the strength that keep us building and building, and instead to focus on what you have called us to build.