How to Overcome Comparison and Envy with Biblical Truth

Jennifer Parr (: 00:00

Hey friend, hey Winnie Women, welcome back to another episode and I'm so glad that you're here. I'm not just saying that because every podcaster starts their podcast with that saying, but I truly am. This is such a sweet space for us to grow together. This is a space of grace for us to redefine success together. And I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you. So I want to start off by asking you something. And this is just a little transparent moment that you can have.

Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, wow, must be nice to be them. Or maybe you scroll through social media and you're fine. You're feeling content one moment, but then all of a sudden you start questioning everything the next moment. Yep, we've all done it. We all do it. Don't sit here and act like you don't, because if you do, then that means you're lying. I'm just kidding. This is not a good way to start off the episode by calling you a liar. But the reality is,

Comparison is sneaky and envy it's subtle. Most of us don't like to talk about it because many of us really don't want to admit that we wrestle with confidence. And maybe it's not every day. Maybe you don't wrestle with confidence in every area of your life. But if we're being real, we've had those moments, right? Maybe it's the confidence to speak up at work. Maybe you feel insecure in your role as a wife. I know I did. Maybe you desire to walk.

boldly in your spiritual gifts, but you feel like you're constantly shrinking back. Maybe you're feeling not as confident as a mom. Maybe you're a new mom and you're drowning. And then you're looking at some moms like, how are they packing these Pinterest worthy lunches and handwritten notes while you're just trying to find a clean fork? Seriously, our kids throw away clean forks all the time. So that's a that's a story for another podcast. Maybe it's just that you're struggling with confidence in your body.

calling, your motherhood, your influence, your worth. It's so much. But here's what I've come to realize. And that is that most of us don't have a confidence issue. We really don't. We have a comparison issue. And so today we're diving into how comparison and envy can quietly steal your joy and identity. But we're also going to talk about how you can overcome both with biblical truth.

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I'll also be sharing a powerful story from scripture and I've got a free resource for you that walks through some mindset shifts to help you live boldly and faithfully. So stick around to the end and I'll tell you how to grab the winning women way. So just a little disclaimer, it is springtime here in Dallas and for 40 years I have never had allergies and I think for the first time I'm struggling with allergies. So if my voice sounds a little bit different, that is because my congestion is real.

but we're going to get through this together. Okay, so let's start with the basics. What is comparison? Well, for starters, comparison happens when we measure our worth, when we measure our value or our success against someone else. I know it sounds like a simple definition, but as women, especially Christian women, as winning women, we're not immune to this. And of course, we're talking about comparison, we're talking about confidence.

So guess what the one thing is I struggled with this week? Well, I had a tennis match. Now, the disclaimer about tennis is that when I say I play tennis, I like to think I play like Coco or Sabalink or any of these professionals, but I don't. I'm just a recreational tennis player who just loves the sport. And typically I play doubles, but I had a match, but this was not a normal doubles match. This was my first singles match.

I walked on the court and I remember already feeling a little bit nervous because I didn't have a partner. I didn't have another player with me. It was just me and my opponent. I looked at my opponent knowing nothing about her and I started to think this is going to be a hard match. Now remember I knew nothing about her, but I came to that conclusion based on how she looked. She just had a certain poise. She had a certain walk. She had a certain swag to her that was just

confident. But do see how confidence can be easily faked? And I'm not saying my opponent was not confident. I'm just saying that we can look the part, but it doesn't mean that we're confident. And I'll say it again. We don't have a confidence issue as women. I truly think we have a comparison issue. So as you can see, no matter how holy you are, and I don't consider myself to be holy, I'm just saying that you'd be surprised how as women we think we struggle with confidence, but we're really comparing ourselves.

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based on what we think we don't have. I have a story that brings me to tears because it's filled with rich emotion, it's filled with brokenness, and a whole lot of comparison. So imagine this, you're getting married. This day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But instead of celebrating, your wedding is wrapped in deception. You walk down the aisle, you have your beautiful dress on.

but you're walking down the aisle not as the bride who was chosen, but as the stand-in, the one that someone else settled for. Can you imagine walking up to a husband who never wanted you? You get married, and then you find out that he actually has a desire to be with someone else. And then he turns around and ends up marrying the woman he actually wanted to be with. And that woman is your sister. I know, this story does not seem like it has a happy ending.

Well, this story is real. This story is in Genesis 29 through 30. And what unfolds after that is just painful. We see two sisters, Leah and Rachel, sharing a husband, caught in a cycle of comparison and unmet desires. So for context and just a little bit of background to the story, see Jacob had fallen head over heels in love with Rachel, who is Leah's younger sister.

So this would be like your younger sister. And he worked seven years, seven years just to marry her. But on the night of the wedding, their father Laban secretly swapped Rachel for Leah. Remember Jacob loved Rachel. That's who he wanted to marry and that's who he thought he was going to be marrying. But the father gave him the younger sister Leah instead. My heart breaks for Leah because Leah longed to be loved. Rachel longed to have children.

Each woman had what the other longed for, and both were so focused on what they lacked that they couldn't see what God had already given them. So why is comparison and envy so dangerous? Well, comparison and envy, they don't just hurt your feelings, but they distort your identity. They make you forget who you are in Christ. Comparison robs your joy and contentment because you're always looking outward.

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And it can create distance between you and others, especially women. It can damage healthy relationships that maybe you were called to love and learn from. And finally, it blocks your ability to celebrate others and trust God's timing for your life. my gosh. I remember when I worked in my corporate job and I looked the part, y'all. I would wear a suit most of the time, a nice suit, not an expensive suit, but I just liked feeling like a boss.

And then I would notice another woman. Typically she was higher up. And I would wonder, man, I wish I had what she had. The way she seemed to just effortlessly juggle her career, juggle her family and her marriage and everything just seemed perfect. And here I was doing my best, looking the part, staying faithful, but quietly feeling like I was behind and not behind in my corporate job, but in my home life.

I had mommy guilt. Mommy guilt was so real in this season. I wasn't sure how my family felt about me being gone all the time. And Alan and I were slowly drifting apart in our marriage. See, comparing myself to all these women that I saw in corporate America who were higher up blocked my ability to trust God's timing and what he was doing in my life. So when you look at your life, what's something that God has given you that maybe you've overlooked simply because

Maybe you're just too busy comparing it to someone else. And let's sit with that for a second. Maybe it's one of these. Maybe it's your marriage. Maybe you've been looking at other couples, their trips, their public displays of affection, the way they post about each other online, and you started to feel like your relationship doesn't measure up. But in this process, have you missed the quiet faithfulness of the husband that God gave you? Have you missed the husband that God gave you who prays with you?

The one who shows up. The one who may not post about you, but he protects you. He covers you. He honors you in private. That's a gift. Or maybe it's your children. Maybe you've compared your kids to someone else's. Their grades, their behavior, their milestones. I know I've done it. I still do it sometimes. And in the middle of all that comparison, what if you've missed the beauty of who your child is? Their unique personality, their compassionate heart.

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the way they reflect a part of God that no one else does. That's a gift. Maybe it's your current season. Maybe you're just in a slower season. You're home with young kids. You're in between jobs. You're working behind the scenes while other women are launching books, they're building brains, they're speaking on stages, they're doing all these things. And because your season doesn't look as public or productive, then you've

questioned its value, but it could be that this quiet season is where God is doing some of His most important work in you and through you. This shows up even in our gifts and our personality and how God wired us. Maybe you're more reserved. Maybe you're an introvert. I don't know why introverts get a bad rep, but you just maybe you're more behind the scenes. You're the steady one and you've compared yourself to the woman who walks into the room and instantly draws everyone in.

But what if your strength is in discernment? Maybe your ability to listen, to encourage, to pray with power, just because you don't shine the way she does doesn't mean you're not shining at all. And I know this hits home when we talk about comparison about homes. Maybe you've visited someone else's house, it's perfectly styled, it's spotless, everything's in place, and you've started to feel ashamed of your own home.

Maybe your home has the mess, the laundry, the never-ending dishes. My home does for sure. But sis, your home is a refuge. It's a place where people feel safe. People feel seen. Where God's presence is welcome. And it might not look Pinterest perfect, but I bet it's full of purpose. So just take a moment and just ask yourself, what have I called ordinary that God calls a gift?

Because when you stop comparing, we actually start to see as winning women. Okay, so how do we stop this spiral? How do we break free from comparison and envy? Well, let's walk through four biblical truths. And as we go through them, I'm going to weave in lessons that I've learned from the story of Rachel and Leah, two women who were caught in this trap that we so often fall into ourselves. The first one is

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to re-center your identity in Christ. Remember, you're not your likes, you're not your house size, you're not your follower count, or your fertility. You are chosen. You are beloved. You are so fully known by God. See, Rachel and Leah both struggled to root their identity in something lasting. Leah kept thinking, maybe if I have more sons, Jacob will finally love me. Rachel thought,

If I can just give Jacob children, then I'll feel secure and valuable. I'll feel worthy. See, both of them, once again, we're looking to human relationships to define their worth. And I know we do the same thing. I mean, we look to likes on social media. We look to affirmation from our spouse. We look to success and influence and the applause for other people. But the word says that your life is hidden in Christ.

That means your identity isn't tied to what others think about you, or even what you think about yourself. It's tied to who God says you are. Colossians 3 says, your mind on things above, not on earthly things. And so where have you been searching for identity, but identity outside of Christ? And what would it look for you to simply say, you know what, God, it's time that I praise you.

and not the things of the world. The next point on how to overcome comparison and envy is to cultivate contentment. See, contentment doesn't come naturally. It's a discipline. It's choosing to say, God, what you've given me is enough for today. Not enough for a lifetime, but just enough for today. See, neither Rachel or Leah started out content. And that's normal. It's natural because remember,

Leah had many children, but she kept feeling overlooked and unloved by her husband. Rachel had her husband's affection. Remember, Jacob loved Rachel. But this thing of her infertility, her not being able to have children, it consumed her. And that's what comparison does. It just blurs our vision and convinces us that what God has given us isn't enough. It's not good enough.

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When I think of contentment, it's really not about settling, but it's surrendering to the truth that God's provision, God's sovereignty is enough for today. Just today. Just start with today. And Paul says in Philippians 4, 11-13, that he learned how to be content in all circumstances. It's learning to say, even if I don't have what she has, I'll trust God with what I do have. Even if it's not the timing that I hope for.

I trust God because He has gone before me. He has gone before this situation and this desire and He is sovereign. Many of you know that I have had a very strong desire to grow our family. We have two beautiful children, two healthy children, but I have the desire to grow our family. And for some reason, God hasn't allowed that to happen. But once again, even if it's not the timing I hoped for,

I'm still learning to trust God because He has gone so far ahead and He is the only one who is sovereign in this situation. So what is one blessing that you've been overlooking because you've been so focused on what you're missing? I know for me I struggle with this, which is desiring to grow our family, and I forgot to see our two beautiful children for who they are and how God gave me the opportunity to parent them.

Alright, so the third way to overcome comparison and envy is to celebrate others without questioning your journey. It's possible to celebrate another woman without resenting yourself. It's possible to say, thank you for blessing her and I trust you with me. Rachel and Leah couldn't celebrate each other. They competed. They bargained. They even brought their maidservants into the equation just to get ahead.

Instead of sisterhood, unfortunately, they chose rivalry. And if we're not careful, we do the exact same thing that they did. We'll distance ourselves from the women that God called us to do life with because we're either too busy or we're measuring ourselves against them. Remember, the Bible calls us to something different. The Bible calls us to celebrate without comparison, to bless others without bitterness because her wind doesn't cancel yours.

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I love the scripture of Romans 12-15 where it says, with those who rejoice. So who can you celebrate this week without making it your own timeline? And what would that look like to cheer that person on even while you wait for your own breakthrough? And this brings me to my last point of overcoming comparison and envy, and that is to stay in your lane and trust God's timing. This is hard to do. I mean,

Even Rachel and Leah struggle with this. They each had their own lane, but they kept swerving. I don't know who was driving, but Leah wasn't meant to be Rachel. Rachel wasn't meant to be Leah. I mean, the Bible doesn't say this clearly, but I feel like they both might have lost sight of their individual callings and their blessings that they had because they kept peeking over into the other person's life. And we do the exact same thing. We try to copy someone else's calling.

who try to mimic their rhythm or compete with their journey. But God's timing for your life, I promise you, has not been delayed just because someone else is in a different season. You are not behind. You are not overlooked. You are not forgotten. You are not late. God's not rushing your story. He's simply writing it with eternal...

I love how Galatians 6.4 says, pay careful attention to your own work and then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. And so what does this look like sis to run your race this week? What does this look like to run your race today? Where have you been tempted maybe to swerve out of your lane?

And how can you realign with what God has actually called you to do? So as we wrap up today, let me remind you of the biblical truths that we covered. Remember to re-center your identity in Christ. Your value is not in who chooses you or your status, but your value comes from Christ. He chose you. Remember to cultivate contentment, learning to see what you do have and not just what you lack.

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Remember to celebrate others. You don't have to compete with women around you because God didn't call you to rivalry. He called you to community. And finally, stay in your lane. I know. Stay in your lane. We all want to swerve, but we have to trust God's timing. Just because your path looks different doesn't mean that it is delayed by one second. And here's the beautiful full circle moment with Leah's story.

is that Leah's son Judah became the ancestor of King David and ultimately the lineage that Christ came through. God chose to bring the Messiah through the very woman who felt unseen and unwanted. He used what felt like a painful position to produce such a powerful legacy. And so if you're in a season where you feel overlooked or you feel behind, let Leah's story remind you that God is always

working. He is always working even when you don't know how. I pray that you go back and read the full story found in Genesis 29 and 30 and let their story speak to you and let the Holy Spirit guide you and show you where freedom still awaits in your journey. Let's pray together. Father, thank you for reminding us that we are not forgotten. Thank you for reminding us that we are not behind and we not in comparison with anyone. Like Leah.

He just appraised you right where we are. Help us to stop striving, help us to seeking approval and help us to start living from identity. Heal the parts of our hearts, Lord, have been wounded by comparison and restore the joy that envy has stolen. And Father, we lay down this pressure to measure up. We silence the voice that says we are not enough and we choose to fix our eyes on you.

author the perfector of our faith and make us women who win, not by comparison but by faithfulness. Jesus name we pray. Amen. If today's episode stirred something in your heart, don't forget to download the free resource, The Winning Women Way.

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It walks you through eight mindset shifts that are rooted in scripture to help you live your life with just clarity, purpose, godly confidence, and live a counter-cultural life, a life that I believe is true winning for women. You can grab that at my website at jenniferparr.com. Now, go win this week and make God proud. Bye for now.